2 years gone

Quite a personal post this one but I got a lot out of writing it so here goes……..Its 2 years today since my Granda passed away, a lot has changed in 2 years, most significantly being 6 months ago when Effy was born. I think for this reason, the anniversary of his death will be particularly hard this year. I spoke at his funeral, which it an odd way, I actually enjoyed. It was nice to talk about him and was nice to make people laugh on his behalf, because he had done that his whole life.


This picture was taken about 2 weeks before he died, it was their 60th wedding anniversary and is one of my favourite pictures ever

Me and my brother grew up spending a lot of time with grandma and granda, looking back we spent a lot of time in his car, waiting for grandma to either get her hair done or go to marks and spencer. He would keep us entertained for hours by talking absolute rubbish, most of his stories had either a racist connotation or a reference to his glory days playing football. His sense of humour was absolutely brilliant, slightly inappropriate but brilliant.

My dad worked at Carlisle United for a number of years, me and granda sensed an opportunity for freebie and bagged ourselves some free season tickets. We’d go to every home game, moan about how rubbish they were and granda would tell me every week ‘these pansies couldn’t even carry the ball I played with’. For years we sat in the same seats, despite this Granda never quite grasped the concept that we were sitting in a part of the ground that all the players families and friends sat. He would openly abuse players (mainly Scott Dobie) in clear ear shot of their loved ones. I found this hugely amusing, I’m guessing they didn’t.

When I was about 15/16 I lost my other granda, I always felt like I missed the opportunity to get to know him as a grown up. It was around this time I started visiting every week, not because I was made to but because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with both of them. Over the years these visits have progressed. They started with me going after school and college, granda then started picking me up and dropping me off at the pub, by the time I started uni and then work I’d become terrified of his driving so I’d make my own way there. For nearly 15 years I kept up this routine, all my mates during this time have known, I’m not available on grandma and granda night. We wouldn’t do anything special, I’d go for my tea, eat my body weight in biscuits then watch every single soap whilst granda moaned how ‘crap’ they were or fell asleep.

I saw big changes in both of them over the years and I had to do more looking after, Firstly of grandma and then both of them. Even so I didn’t feel any different about spending time with them, it’s was an absolute pleasure. There would be times I’d laugh constantly, times where we would all fall asleep and times I’d wonder how these 2 had lasted 60yrs together.

As a family we all knew that he wasn’t well in the 6 months leading up to his death, but nothing could prepare us for how quick things happened after he was admitted to hospital. Despite him saying he hasn’t got long left for the past 10years, no one quite believed it would happen.

My grandma is still alive, but is in the advanced stages of Dementia and is in 24hr care, she really struggled with his death because she never quite understood what was going on and why he wasn’t there anymore, it was heart-breaking to see.

This is her meeting Effy for the first time and again I absolutely love this photo


So people that’s why today, I’m in a shit mood and the 21st March will remain a shit day. I miss him and I’m gutted he never got to meet Effy.

When I spoke at the funeral I ended on this, it feels even more appropriate now I’ve got Effy;

“If I’m ever lucky enough to be a granda myself, I’ve had the perfect role model, my granda ticked all the boxes and above all he was a bloody good man”

11 thoughts on “2 years gone”

  1. Oh this is so sad! I’m really sorry for your loss. You sound like a really really nice guy and I think they lucked out with their grandson, not many people have the opportunity or the inclination to be so dedicated to their grandparents, it sounds as though he got as much out of your relationship as you did. Thank you so much for linking up with us, and I hope the pain eases for you. #bigpinklink

    1. Thanks for your lovely comment. It was a nice post to write. I’m genuinely thankful that I got the opportunity to spend as much time with him.

  2. What a great and heartfelt blog. You don’t realise until they are gone just what a massive hole they leave and the questions you wished you asked. My maternal grandfather was like a dad to me and he taught me the proudest achievement he had was his family and their happiness. I reckon your granda was and would be rightly proud of you.

  3. Wonderful post my friend, I was imagining you doing all of these things, alongside some of the stories I already know. Great grandson that what I say X

  4. beautiful post. sorry to hear about your grandma. my nana is in early stages of dementia and it is horrid to see her going through this. really taking its toll on the family. x

    1. Thank you, yeah its really tough. Its often worse in the early stages because people still have some insight into their own failing memory. Not a nice illness at all.

  5. Its sounds harsh but its often better when they completely loose insight. My Grandma was much happier in herself when she did.

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