If you’ve read my about you page you’ll know that Effy was born in September, so I’m 7 months in now. 7 months is long time, if I were to pick something random like…..Archery, I’m pretty certain if I practised every day (including nights) for 7months, I’d be pretty ace at it. Despite my 7 month intensive training course, there are still a few basics I don’t understand, please share your wisdom if you can help:
1, Talcum powder– what the fuck is it for?? People bought us it, we bought it and I’ve no idea what it’s for; the bottle says it “creates a friction free layer to keep baby’s skin healthy and soft.” I googled it and the 3rd result suggested that it caused cancer. We’ve got about 5 bottles, all unopened. In 6 months we have managed to survive without the powdery crap, her skin hasn’t fallen off and according to the scaremongering on the internet, we’ve stopped her getting cancer…double winner.
2, Baby shoes – Absolutely pointless. Let’s be clear about a few things, I wear shoes, in fact I wear shoes every day, yes I could technically walk around bare foot (bare foot running is an actual thing), but my feet are minging and it would hurt. If I lived on a beach and didn’t work in an office if may be acceptable but I don’t. So….does any of the above apply to a baby……..no, they don’t walk, don’t have minging feet, and she doesn’t work in an office. For the last 7months, she has primarily lay on her back, slept, shit and ate. She is now sitting up but she’s not going to the pounding the streets any time soon. Yes I appreciate they look cute, but they are a nightmare to put on, rarely stay on and serve absolutely no purpose. It would be like me constantly walking around in scuba gear…….completely pointless
3, People putting on social media how much they love their babies – this one really annoys me, yes we all love our children (I hope), I love Effy more than anything in the world, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. At no point in the last 7 months have I felt the desire to tell everyone about it. I feel it should just be accepted, unless stated otherwise. So a Facebook status of, I hate my child, she’s a dick……that’s ok, it’s not appropriate but it’s at least telling me something new. On a daily basis my Facebook newsfeed is filled with love declaring parents, please stop, tell your child don’t tell some bloke you went to school with in 1992.
4, Strangers – Old people in particular, are quite clearly obsessed with babies. Just last Saturday we were in Sainsbury’s car park, and a woman made a 40yrd detour to look at Effy. She was pleasant enough and it’s always nice for people to say how good looking she is……I just find it odd, particularly when it’s coupled with a cheek stroke (on Effy not me). When did it become socially acceptable to want to touch the face of a baby, a stranger’s baby for that matter? I’ve got a lovely face but if someone random person walked up to me, called me cute and stroked my face I would not be happy. Thankfully Effy loves all sorts of attention and will usually give anyone a smile. It must be very difficult for parents, whose babies are more wary of non-familiar faces and it causes upset. Back off grandma, my face and Effy’s face are out of bounds.
5, Unhealthy desire for development – it appears quite common for parents to be desperate for their baby to develop quickly. When will they sit up?? Are they crawling yet?? I hope she walks soon?? I can’t wait for them to talk. Why hasn’t she invented a cure for cancer and single handily tackled ISIS?? In all honesty, I couldn’t give a toss when Effy reaches her milestones, obviously I want her to but she’ll do it in her own time, when she’s ready. When I was a baby, I couldn’t be arsed to talk until late on, because I had an older brother who would talk for me and understood my grunts. It’s not affected me in anyway and don’t think my parents were overly concerned. Babies are only babies for a tiny amount of time, I’m enjoying it while it lasts and savouring every moment. I suggest all parents do the same…..kids just get more annoying when they talk anyway.
End of rant……