5 tips for when your baby starts crawling

In my last post She’s on the move I talked about the fact that Effy has now started crawling, she has also started pulling herself up, standing on furniture and terrorising our house. Its lovely to see her develop and start to explore the house on her own. However we have quickly discovered that it’s an absolute nightmare stopping her from either killing herself or breaking something. So here’s some tips that might help you in your quest to protect both your offspring and your furniture. 

1, Never let them out of your sight – I’m guessing the parenting police will all say you should never let a baby out of your sight at any age. Yeah yeah yeah we all know the rules, Im not talking about catching the bus into town and leaving your baby, but when they are unable to move, crawl, sit up or roll, we’ve all dashed into another room for a piss, a quick shot of tequila or to get the hobnobs. Not anymore, you now need to either piss your pants or take your baby everywhere. In 2.4 seconds a crawling baby will somehow end up either mounting the tv stand, or attempting to open a bottle of champagne.

2, Don’t leave anything on the floor – So far Effy has nearly ate approximately £2.52 in loose change, my sweaty sock from football and some rather questionable crumbs. She will hunt things out like a crazed beaver (not sure if beavers are particularly good hunters but it was the first thing that came into my head). She then manages to sneak whatever she has found into her mouth like a secret eater….it’s an absolute nightmare; we are starting to consider just letting her live feral, Im pretty confident with her hunting skills she’d survive.

3, Don’t bother trying to tell them ‘NO’ – I touched on this in my last blog post, but it’s an important one; Effy is 9months old, saying ‘NO’ to her is as useful as using a spoon to brush your hair. My OH disagrees and has read somewhere that it helps to teach her boundaries…..Bollocks…..she either doesn’t listen or interprets it as “crack on, hit my PlayStation with your cup, its fine”

4, Dont expect the crawling to be of any use – I quickly sensed the crawling milestone as a potential opportunity to make my life easier. Im a pretty lazy bloke, so thought I’d be onto a winner and get Effy to fetch me things…..nope. As Ive already pointed out, she doesn’t listen. She wont go where I tell her and wont come back when I want. If she was a dog, there would be absolutely no chance of a Britain’s Got Talent appearance.

5, Clean your house more – with a little person dragging their hands and knees over every surface in your house, you will quickly realise that your carpets and floors are pretty minging (that’s northern for dirty). After 1 lap of your downstairs your baby will look like they’ve just done a shift down the mine. It’s fine when you haven’t got guests to judge you but it’s best to be prepared. So either hoover your floors or your child…whatever’s easiest. 

Have you got any tips to share, or ways to teach your child to fetch things. 


5 thoughts on “5 tips for when your baby starts crawling”

  1. Oh god, I have all this to look forward to soon and my house is definitely not baby friendly! Very witty post, good to see you are seeing the funny side of things!!! A sense of humour is definitely one of the most important attributes of being a parent – if you didn’t laugh you would definitely cry. I did hear you can get babygros now that can clean floors as they crawl around – must check it out 😉

  2. Haha, they do get everywhere! And are utterly useless as minions. Mines still not any good and he’s 5. #chucklemums

  3. You really need to move that champagne. Or just like, drink it. That would be my advice. You have to wait until they’re walking, then they can be quite useful. Unless like my darling son they start walking (and running away) before they really understand much then it’s just crap. I got so anal overbloody hoovering when they started crawling. I need help, or a cleaner #chucklemums

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