Most of my mates are exempt from the title of this post, they really aren’t that bothered by Effy or my baby ‘crack’. The ones that are forced to visit by their wives and girlfriend either spend the whole time looking uncomfortable or they hold her in a way which you would hold a rugby ball, with a bomb inside, on fire, with your eyes closed and drunk. What I’m referring to, is the large number of people who take great pleasure in sharing their expert baby advice. Here are some of the questions/statements we regularly get; in italics is how I want to respond, I’m not a complete twat, so I keep these responses in my brain box:
- Is she sleeping through yet, ours did from 4 weeks……Piss off, you’re a liar
- Why didn’t you breast feed, you really should have……not really any of your business but my OH actually didn’t produce any milk, so fuck off with your breast feeding leaflet and how it will cure all the world’s problems.
- Have you got them in a routine……yes at nearly 6 months old it’s all sorted, she puts herself to bed every night, feeds herself, winds herself and takes herself to the toilet. She cooks all her own meals, has started applying for jobs and has just got her provisional driving license through.
- You should just let her cry, it’s the only way she’ll learn……..ok I get this to an extent, but if she’s howling and there’s actual tears streaming down her face. I’m not going to leave her, if that means there’s some hideous long term attachment issue, then so be it, I’m her dad and I don’t like to hear her crying.
- Why don’t you try her on a rusk…..What those biscuits filled with sugar, no thanks
- Why are you making your own food, just buy jars, its loads easier…….all she eats at the minute is about 3 different vegetables in tiny quantities, we boil and blend, its hardly Michelin stared cuisine.
- Why hasn’t she got a dummy…..Because she doesn’t want one,
Before you think I’m a moaning idiot, I’m happy to have a discussion with people about their kids and their methods. I spend hours on the internet reading about what other people do, what I don’t like is that a lot of people genuinely believe that their way is the only. Yes it may have worked for your baby, but that was 1961 and they turned out to be a serial killer (please note I don’t actually know any serial killers and/or their parents).
I’m very much the type of bloke that likes to figure something out for myself, if something’s broken in the house…I figure out why and try to fix it. If I can’t fix it or I make it worse, I chuck it in the bin and tell the OH that it’s gone missing. I’m not comparing Effy to a broken clock or blocked drain but we are both new parents and part of the enjoyment of that, is figuring out your own style and learning how to care for your own baby. We are absolutely learning on the job and we will undoubtedly make mistakes, but Effy is ours and we will bring her up however we want.
Rant over…….thoughts anyone??