How babies can be improved

Evolution hasn’t done too bad to get us where we are today, we don’t live in caves anymore and I’m better looking than a monkey. However I think there are 3 key improvements that could be made, which will make babies and parents lifs a lot easier. So whoever sorts this kind of stuff out….God, Jesus, Bill Gates, Kanye West…….whoever, listen up:

A fill line – We basically spent the first months of Effy’s life trying figure out the world’s most difficult puzzle……why is she crying??? It’s easy to check if she has shit her pants or we’ve dropped her on the floor (we have never actually dropped her on the floor, this was added in for comedic value). What is impossible to work out is…..if she’s hungry. A simple fill line, like a petrol gauge would work perfectly. Now I’m not an idiot, I don’t think this should remain in place forever; it could simply dissolve away or fall off when they can communicate. However there may be some benefit to keeping it in place, as it may also solve the obesity problem….double winner.

Teeth – why can’t babies be born with teeth….now I know this won’t go down well with breast feeding mums, but surely some sort of gum shield can be fashioned to protect your nips. I just think it’s pretty unfair for the baby to just start getting into a routine, loving life, with no worries, then bang……red cheeks, drippling like a dog and horrible pain. Get all this out of the way in womb and life would be easier.

Ability to lie still – I’ve touched on this in my ‘What’s that??’ post but feel it deserves a place in my top 3 improvements. Effy’s legs are never sill, she moves constantly and I’m certain that if I could transfer her leg speed into running, she’d be rapid…but she’s only just mastered sitting up, so we are some way off that. My difficulty comes when we need to put clothes on her; society is very clear….a naked baby in public isn’t appropriate, so clothing her is essential. Babies clothes aren’t the easiest or best designed items of clothing, all those buttons are a nightmare and don’t even get me started on tights. Nevertheless, if Effy could lie still, it would make for a much simpler dressing routine. I’m not asking for a long period of time, couple of minutes will do, maybe a little bit more for awkward clothes. It would be a win win really, Effy wouldnt need to scream and I wouldn’t feel like I’m wrestling a uncontrollable octopus (not sure any octopus’ can be controlled but you get the picture)

If anyone knows of anyone I can get to arrange this, let me know. Also happy to pitch any of your improvement ideas.

7 thoughts on “How babies can be improved”

  1. Ha ha – a very entertaining read .. am thinking you’re on to something here and perhaps need to have a chat with the scientists of the world and whilst you’re at it could you speak to them about teenagers too! #bigpinklink

    1. Thank you, I’ll get on to it, I googled famous scientists and Albert Einstein was the first one, so I’ll start with him ????????

  2. Another stroke of brilliance! You are one of my new favourites! Yes, yes! Babies definitely need all of these things!!! The crying thing is especially difficult, so if Kanye could get onto this ASAP, with the gauge, I’d be quite grateful. I’m sure Saint has a diamond encrusted one, but bog standard will do for me. And the moving constantly thing?? I used to look at my youngest just flailing in his bouncer, jerking on and on, and think it was just a) really disturbing for me to watch, and b) surely really knackering for him? As someone who likes to be still, I honestly struggled with it!
    Thanks for bringing this gem to #bigpinklink!

    1. Thank you, what a lovely comment. I’ll get onto Kanye and get it sorted. You’d think with all the moving, she’d tire herself out…..she doesn’t.

  3. You are making really good points. Perhaps they could come with a general better understanding of how the world works. You know, the never-ending Whys, which are followed by more whys? The disappointment that there are no slushies served at Mass and that St Patrick doesn’t bring presents. That would be awesome 🙂 Thanks for sharing! #bigpinklink

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