I’m really not looking for advice here, this post is really a rhetorical question to myself. Its more about me sharing my attitude with you lovely people. I’ am however keen to get your opinion, as I’ve already had a lot of criticism from people about the below points. I typically get a response of; “you’ll be different when she’s older.” I accept that some of this may make me look like a right twat and yes you may sit there and think “who the fuck is this guy.” I accept I’m a new parent but I’m a parent nonetheless and all of the below is my opinion, So here goes, a view into my brain box;
Feed Effy crap – You’ll most likely notice that food features highly in this post, I won’t make any apology for this, I’m a healthy eater, have been since I got sick of eating pot noddles, watched a lot of Jamie Oliver and taught myself how to cook. Yes I sometimes eat crap, I love pies and have always had a sweet tooth (it’s a family thing), but on the whole my diet is good and I want Effy’s to be the same. We have started weaning her and have on the whole stayed away from packets and jars. Some people are amazed by this and repeatedly question our sanity, let’s clear up any confusion about baby food and its preparation……. we boil and then blend, it’s a 2 step process and hardly Michelin stared cuisine. She eats the veg and meat that we eat so it literally couldn’t get any simpler. We batch cook loads and stick it in the freezer. I want her to get used to normal veg, most packets have a mixture of all different types of fruit and veg. I don’t eat like that, I’ve never eaten sweet potatoes with pear, so why should she. It’s a trick used to sweeten foods, whilst keeping out additives, sugar and E numbers. She needs to learn that not all foods are sweet, and you know what, she is enjoying most vegetables by themselves. The only one she hasn’t enjoyed so far is turnip, but let’s be honest, turnip isn’t the greatest veg in the patch. Yes she will get treats, I’m not going to one of them parents that sends their kids to parties with a carrot stick, we will teach her to make the right choices. I see a lot of parents bribe their kids with chocolate or crisp, I’d rather bribe her with money, it’ll do less damage to her health.
Hair band before she has hair – much to my OH’s disgust, I’m pretty strict on this one. By definition it’s “a band for securing or tying back one’s hair”. She’s got less hair that Karl Pilkington and I’m almost certain he wouldn’t wear a hair band. My OH dressed her for Easter last weekend and managed to sneak one on, now she obviously looks really cute, but it was quickly removed and normality restored.
Let her eat a different meal to us – We went to an Easter Egg hunt at the weekend, pointless with a 6 month old….she’s shit at hunting. Anyway…..There were obviously a few other parents there and one in particular was describing how her 5yr old will only eat dry pasta and garlic bread. So every night she makes a meal, which her daughter will refuse to eat, she is then given dry pasta and garlic bread. Obviously there may be more to it and I’m really not judging the parent, or child for that matter. It did however make me consider and appreciate how important I feel it is that Effy eats what we do and at the times we do. As Im sure every parent does, I want meal times to be enjoyable I don’t want a battle. I certainly don’t want her to eat a diet that purely consists of double carbs. Yes she might not like curry, she might not like certain fish, that’s absolutely fine. What I struggled to understand is how does it become the norm for your child to just eat dry pasta?? Is it the same reason it becomes the norm for kinds to eat crisps for breakfast, the same reason why childhood obesity is rising at an alarming rate and the same reason Jamie Oliver lost his shit over turkey twizzlers. I actually don’t know the reason and have absolutely no control over what other people do. However in my house, meals times will be a thing. Not only to benefit Effy but to benefit the family as a whole.
Let her eat a sausage roll in public – so this is a fairly specific and a bit weird but hear me out. I absolutely hate to see a baby or even toddler in a pram/pushchair eating a sausage roll. It doesn’t have to be a sausage roll but I rarely see a baby eating a steak and kidney pie so I’m narrowing it down to sausage rolls. It’s probably important to note at this point that I generally don’t have much love for sausage rolls, they are a pitiful excuse for a pastry based snack, which everyone seems to love, I don’t….they’re wet, have oddly coloured meat and are quite frankly a waste of good pastry. For those of you who don’t live ‘up north’ and aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, here’s a picture;
See doesn’t even look nice. Back to my point….by nature these are messy and flaky to eat, they aren’t very healthy and Im guessing offer no nutritional benefit to a child. So when I see a baby/toddler in a pram, covered in pastry, it really does make me question why the child was so desperate for food, they had to be given something shit and eat it immediately whilst sitting in their pram. Was it been used a tool to keep them quiet, was it their actual lunch or was it just a treat. Now if it’s a treat, fair enough but I still don’t think a child should be allowed to cover themselves in pastry and then just sit in it. If its their lunch, then fuck me what do they get for breakfast and tea, if it’s the only way to keep them quiet then there’s bigger issues. My OH thinks I’m a bit weird to have even thought about this, but I see it all the time where I live and I just think its shit.
Let her have a boyfriend – Now I’m obviously not been overly serious on this one, but it does scare me, I know what boys are like. I haven’t always been the perfect boyfriend I am today, I’ve been a twat to a lot of women over the years, I’m sure if any of them were reading this they would agree (please don’t comment). I’m only 30 but I think in a very short space of time, things are a lot worse. The pressures that teenage girls are put under by their peers, the media and the opposite sex, is far greater than what it was when I was younger. I want a lot of things for Effy but above the standard; healthy and happy. I want her to feel confident to make the right choices not based on external pressures or influences but on what she wants and feels comfortable with. So don’t bother boys…..she’s not interested and her dads a dick.