You’ve all seen the memes, photos and ridiculous “rules for dating my daughter” crap that gets posted, retweeted and shared all over the internet. Most include some idiot holding a gun or a list of rules that includes things like “I Don’t mind going back to Jail”. To see the ridiculousness in all its glory have a look at this Google search “dad daughter dating” and look at some of the images.
I’ve even joked about Effy dating my mates son’s, but let me be clear I completely disagree with this whole mentality. I don’t find them funny and when people say to me, “I bet you’ll be like that when Effy is older” I can assure you…I won’t. Effy is 18 months old, I’ve got a long time before I need to worry about this. Nevertheless she will get to the age where she starts taking an interest in dating. This might be girls, it might boys…I don’t really care. For the purpose of this post I’m going to say boys, purely because I can’t be arsed to type boy or girl every time. This isn’t a subliminal hate against same sex relationships, I’m just lazy. Whatever age it is, I will not be a dick about it and will give her the same advice my dad gave me “just be careful”.
Anyone who reads this blog who actually knows me and has known me for a number of years. Will know at a point in my life, I was exactly the type of lad that I wouldn’t want Effy to come home with. This is a parenting blog so I won’t go into too much detail but I was a complete arse. I worked in pubs, drank far too much and thought I was untouchable. I acted like a tool and treated women badly. Don’t read too much into that, I wasn’t violent, or doing anything illegal. I was just an 18yr lad, living in my own house, working in a pub and enjoying attention I got. After a few years I realised that I couldn’t live that lifestyle forever. I also live in a small city, so you actually can’t get away with being a prick for too long, before it catches up with. I stopped drinking, went to uni and started acting like the type of lad; I would like Effy to come home with.
The point of reciting that little story about my past is that, I know Effy will make mistakes; I know she will meet and date some utter barmpots but I trust her to ultimately make the right choice…..I did. No one forced me to stop drinking and stop been a dick, I made that decision myself when I was ready. My mam and Dad supported me throughout, despite not agreeing with my lifestyle, they left me to it. They brought me up in the right way and we will do the same with Effy. We will teach her about safe sex, we will teach her about relationships and teach her what’s right and what’s wrong…..The rest is up to her. I know what lads are like and I know she will get hurt but sometimes you need that, to know what’s good. We’ll be there to pick up the pieces and help her realise it’s not all bad and things will work out.
One thing I want her to do much more than I ever did with my parents, is to talk…talk when she’s sad, talk when she’s happy, talk when she’s worried. I still don’t really talk and it infuriates my OH. I want Effy to feel comfortable with either of us, to talk about absolutely anything. Nothing is out of bounds and if she wants to talk about periods with me…that’s fine, I’ll read about it on the internet then pretend I know what I’m talking about. I will never ever say to her……”you need to talk to your mam about that.”
The day that Effy brings home her first boyfriend, I won’t be acting like an SAS hardman. I’ll be polite and make him feel comfortable in our home. Unless he supports Liverpool, then he can fuck off.
Would love to hear your thoughts…..is it different for boys??